i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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