The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
