I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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