The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
