I wish my penis had an off switch
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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