how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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