is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
