getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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