watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
