I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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