My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
