i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
