she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
