With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The best revenge is premature balding
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
