apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
