If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
