hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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