i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
