dude i'm inner monologue high
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
