Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
