you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The adults are the big ones right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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