Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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