god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
