the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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