i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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