Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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