You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
