Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
