I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
