bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
