I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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