I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize