Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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