i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Boobs speak an international language.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
