the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize