If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
