If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
