dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
