I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
