Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hippo gnu deer
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
