you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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