"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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