worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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