I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize