Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
