If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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