I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
