They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
