I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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