What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my shit smells like andre
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
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