I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
