Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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