I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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