A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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