i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
