I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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