my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
