Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
