She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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