I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
