I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
