someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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