i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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