the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
