I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
