He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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