You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
