Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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