so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
