what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
