So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
