new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
