my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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