I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
