i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
